So here’s the thing. I love writing and I love my blogs. I was so excited about my Sixty in the City idea. I couldn’t wait to get started. Ideas flowed in my head and my heart. When I was out ideas, words, sentences, paragraphs, and pictures poured in. This is my passion. I love sharing ideas and hopefully inspiring others. Ok, so what happened ….why did I stop? Why do I have lists of blogging ideas in my “To Do List” and why haven’t I written in months? Why? What stopped me? Hmmmm…… time to explore the usual suspects.
The old tapes I suppose. What do I mean by the old tapes? Those are those thoughts that flow through our mind. Crap that other people told us or crap that we repeatedly tell ourselves? Can’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t. Yowzers!! How did that stuff get into my head?
I pride myself on a cup that is more than half full and often spilling over. I think that I am a “take charge, get it done, kind of Womyn”. I never leave dishes in the sink or laundry unfolded. I plan my meals, plan my grocery list, take time to cook healthy from scratch food, keep my home neat and tidy, stay in touch family and loved ones, remember birthdays and special occasions, make lists and check things off. Yup, you got it….I can busy myself with a lot of mundane details and tell myself that I was too busy today but tomorrow….no the next day….ok no….next week…. I’ll do it….cause I love it. What’s going on????
Looking back over the years (and when you are sixty, there are a lot of years to look back on) I know that many times when I was on the brink of following my passion to have my own business as an Alternative Healing practitioner. My passion for facilitating groups to inspire womyn to create the changes they want for themselves and for the world…..I didn’t follow my own advice but instead took a different path. Consistently a solid, dependable job or contract would come my way and how could I say no to stability and normality? I am not criticizing those choices. I was a sole support parent with 2 amazing daughters who I wanted to provide for. I am certain that isn’t all there is to this pattern, though. My daughters have been self sufficient and stable on their own for over a decade.
Last spring I found a great inspiration partner. We both wanted someone to keep us on track to achieve our goals. We met every other week and we created a whole system to keep us motivated. It was so exciting and so organized. We called our goals sun rays and each ray was a stream that we wanted to pursue and follow. In this time I got my licence to marry couples and started officiating weddings. I was blogging very regularly and many of my ideas were unfolding . I started my training to become a Kohenet (Hebrew Priestess). I was doing it!!! And… Then…I …Stopped !!!!!!!!! Right in the middle of doing what I was sure I loved and what I am still sure I love. What happened? One thing only….I got in my own way.
The really awesome part of all this is that it’s ok to stop and it’s ok to start again. The old but timeless song, “take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.” Listen hear
What have I done? I found my old mentors again …..Sarah Ban Breathnach, Louise Hay and Sark. I dug out my vision journal and I have enjoyed looking at it again. (some photos from my old vision book)
Today I am going to start working on expanding that vision journal with my new visions and discoveries. Sarah Ban Breathnach suggests that you get piles of old magazines and cut out pictures that you are drawn to, putting them into separate piles for the various parts of your life. Here is a description from one of her books.
You can usually find Sarah’s books in second hand book stores. I suggest starting with “Simple Abundance”. Currently I am using “Something More” as my guide.
I am ready to commit to me again…..that means healthy choices and exercising, it means writing out my gratitudes from the day before, giving thanks to the Goddess, reading something inspirational. It means making a commitment to my personal success by creating an action plan and following it though. For me it means stepping out of my usual comfort zones. It means finding joy in all the little spaces like walking barefoot on the beach in November in Nova Scotia or wandering through the Allan Garden Conservatory in Toronto on Boxing Day when it is cold and rainy outside.
Winter inspiration at Allan Gardens Conservatory, Toronto, ON
What does it mean for you?